MICHAEL CLAYTON | The Tortured Path to Redemption

Still Life in a Changing Seen

Lyft lost $911.3 million in 2018. Lyft's IPO last week was very successful in terms of an IPO. Something else is always going on. I think of Van Gogh. Others think of him, too. There are artists who imagine they Like Emily Dickinson are Doing something different that will someday be Appreciated, and there are artists who do Paintings for hotels and believe they are Contemporary Rembrandt Van R's. There are educated, discerning persons who Adore some little band playing a derivative Sort of music and then who also turn around and Hold forth in conversations about how the current Political situation parallels another time of empire. Then they are abruptly upset because their Omelet was not what they expected, all of them At once in different places, all having omelets. Perhaps their omelets differ, and their Expectations differ, and their omelets somehow Got mixed up when in a perfect world they would have Got matched perfectly with the omelet-eater’s Expectations for eggs. Do we know What Emily and Vincent thought of Voltaire, or how They liked their eggs? All kinds of things continue As previously happened and no one is Apparently the wiser or more aware than An unclothed creature rooting for Grubs and tubers as a pride of Lions stalked its illiterate tribe. The oral records now only are An imaginary memory. Can you see The wormhole in a sunflower? KLK 3/31/19

STUFFED ANIMALS AND DOLLS

Originally a bunny, ears long lost,
Looking more like a tailless squirrel by
High school, she put it on her face and tossed
Her pillow, using it to cover an eye.
Others have Teddy bears, stuffed animals,
Raggedy dolls, they held onto for years,
But something changes and one day annuls
The deep attachment to those souvenirs.

Where do the touchstones of a childhood go?
One grows to understand they never were
Things held in hand and cuddled close in bed.
More as ideas toys and dolls still show 
The way a life evolved as they recur
Replete with feelings stuffed into one's head.


KLK
10/17/17

Money Matters

Years ago, when I had changed careers and settled into a more or less stable job, I began to consider what options were available for a meaningful way to make a living. I was asking questions. How do people get into a career and get to do something they enjoy? Is that even possible? Does anyone pay you to do what you like, really? I was looking around at other people doing things that seemed interesting to me, creative work. When I found out more, almost always the actual work was not very interesting. Who wants to be a writer if you’re being told not only what to write about but more or less how to write it, down to the punctuation? Who wants to be a musician if you can’t be a rock star from day one? Who pays for what and why, and what are the sources of funding and revenue which create a job you can enjoy?

Not everyone has the urge or the moment to figure out what’s actually going on and how career paths work. The same impulse is easily distracted from thinking about jobs, careers, hierarchy, institutions, turning instead to a hobby, current events, cooking, TV shows, music. These days a new smartphone can take up most of your time, let alone social media you can access with it. Human curiosity and intellect would seem to have unlimited subjects to get into and away from the question of what the heck is going on and what am I going to do in this place.

I was making about $22,000 a year. Believe it or not, my rent was about $400 a month, yes, in Los Angeles, and so my situation was working out. Housing should be about a third of one’s income, or so I’m told. I was getting by and lived simply. But I wanted to do something else. I worked for doctors doing Workers’ Compensation reports. In retrospect I learned a great deal about a range of subjects, medical, legal, how insurance companies operate, how businesses can grow too fast, about myself. The incidental things we pick up seldom impress us as much as they should at the time. I wanted something else. I had followed TV and radio news and listened to talk radio for years. I discovered Pacifica. I loved to read newspapers and magazines and had only started to understand there were other ways of interpreting events outside the “mainstream media.” This is all tangential to where I’m going with this. I was looking for a career, defined as a job that I loved. I still believed against all experience that somewhere someone was going to pay me at least a living wage to do something I enjoyed.

Since I liked to read and analyze the news, and I also had been writing letters to journalists and the editors of publications since high school, when I found out there were organizations that did this kind of work professionally, I thought maybe that was it, my dream job at a think tank. I liked what academics were doing in these areas, too. When FAIR, Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting, advertised a fund raiser featuring Noam Chomsky at Kasey Kasem’s house, I thought this could be my chance to get in with the people who could provide assistance in a new career direction. I called and spoke to Holly, I can’t recall her last name, who was the coordinator for FAIR. Actually I think I first left a message on an answering machine, and she called me back. My message was likely clueless, “Hi, I heard about this event. I’m interested in participating.” When she called back, I’m sure I was equally callow but I asked what kind of donation they were looking for, $200, $250, $500? That got her attention.

I showed up at this thing in my suit from work. I wore suits to this weird little job. I wore ties. I did when I was a teacher too. I still do. Skipping the anecdotes about meeting Chomsky, Kasem, his wife, the guy who a week or so prior had shattered the glass eagle statue Ronald Reagan had just received at some awards show, and Jeff Cohen, executive director at FAIR, what I got was an opportunity to volunteer. They also appreciated my money. I’m not sure I even needed to donate so much. The volunteer work also got me in touch with others interested in politics and activism. I quickly noticed, however, that most of the people were doing the work for free. They were also volunteers. The organizations that did have paying jobs had only a few, and those persons were mostly engaged in finding ways to get funding and get others to volunteer. Their writing and media work were more like an advertisement than analysis, not the stuff I would have liked to do.

As volunteers we did some work that contributed to the reports and books, such as counting column inches dedicated to certain stories, counting the number of times and minutes certain experts appeared on news shows, the diversity of opinion or lack of it. But none of this was going to lead to a paying job. As a career track, I would have to start my own organization, which was about as interesting to me as opening a coffee shop and charging $2 for a cup of fancy joe and founding my own think tank was statistically less likely to succeed than opening a coffee shop.

In today’s Internet-enabled world, self-promotion is much easier. Still, time and money matter, and if all you’re about is working a hustle to get funding, regardless of what worthwhile insights you may churn out, it is not quite the same as discovering Relativity. Even producing your own independent online show that goes viral has that need to appeal to a market, “to go viral,” and depends on digital ad revenues. So the questions remain. What do people pay for and why? What are the sources of funding? What generates the sufficient revenues? Is the work really something you can enjoy? Not everyone has the urge or the time.

Ultimately, that’s why we end up doing what we do and contribute more to someone else’s thing by browsing for viral videos. Our talents and the skills acquired along the way get applied to jobs not exactly what we love but that have a source of funding or means of revenue generation to cover our material costs. But at what cost to ourselves? When do we stop believing we can do what we love and make a living at it? Who pays for that in the end?

 

Peripatetic Negative Qualities

Say which has more allure: to understand
The future, or to see the past more clearly.
All time subjects itself to make believe
And myth, imagined like a woman walking
Her dog ignores the fact the leash has wrapped
Around the animal’s front leg, and she
Keeps walking. For her all is well, the walk
Is fine, the day is fine, the dog is fine,
But for the dog, but for the grace of dog,
Nothing goes well, although it is a walk
And dogs do love a walk. Walk with me then
And say which you prefer, acknowledging
All the imaginary accuracy
With which you view the past, project a future,
Misplace the present, as if the air swarmed
With changes and revisions, now and then
Seen over and again, corrected to
A perfect indecision suspendu.

You see the woman in a previous now.
Where she is going is imaginary,
A hypothetical seen in a now
Adjacent to the now of seeing her.
However, I consider what she misses
While walking more important than the when,
The leash entangled, wound about the dogleg
More problematic than the sequence of
Attention, mere meandering of focus.
The four dimensions we move through are not,
Like odes to birds that never were, firm earth,
Though we walk through the shadows and believe
By making up beliefs about the way
We make a solid, fixed, forever ground
Beneath ideas, underneath the feet
We watch the woman and her dog believing,
We and they, different details, alas,
Half knowing all along this too shall pass.

Not knowing if you can help me find these
Things, still my heart is riding on your gaze,
If you can take me there, and make me care.  

KLK
12/16/15

The Twilight Zone Revisited and Reviewed: Walking Distance, Season One, Episode Five

Inspired or perhaps hoodwinked into reviewing and revising my opinion of The Twilight Zone, I'm watching Walking Distance. As a child, I saw the ham-handedness, the melodramatic obviousness of what were and are supposed to be Whoa! mind-blowing concepts. For example, in this episode, our man Sloan remarks in the drugstore how the proprietor was always sleeping in the backroom up until he passed away. The soda jerk is a kind of cardboard character who just listens to all the ruminations. Then after Sloan leaves, the jerk walks up to the backroom and we see the old man sleeping in the chair, as if we couldn't be left to wonder. No, we have to be bludgeoned with it, and there's this throwaway dialog about needing more chocolate syrup.

What I failed to appreciate as a child was the missed opportunity for humor. Like Kafka, these episodes are actually quite funny and could have been done as a parody, even back then. Like the original Star Trek, there's an over-the-top ridiculousness that I believe got lost in the misplaced, earnest sincerity and adolescent sensibility which pervade these episodes. Star Trek had a sense of humor about itself; it was ridiculous even to me as a child but I was still vastly entertained.

Walking Distance continues, and even though we already know the setup, every encounter with the townsfolk hammers home what would have been obvious to any actual person in such a time-warped setting. Clothes, buildings, every little detail would have shrieked to anyone not overwhelmingly obtuse -- something like the audience of the show who needed all these clanging clues to the fact the guy is back in time in his hometown, WOW.

Okay, so as a springboard for some pathetic nostalgic musing, "I wonder what that would be like?" in the weak imaginations of viewers this is not entirely horrible. However, what I find even more telling are quotes by Rod Serling criticizing contemporary tendencies in TV production to follow the leader with Westerns and private eye shows both of which arguably have just as much imagination-inspiring quality as Twilight Zone episodes, albeit in very different, emotional directions.

Similar to Hitchcock movies, Rod Serling's TV baby struck me as overrated when I first watched it. Later, when someone explained to me the production and story boarding skills Hitchcock's movies evince, I still came away with the conclusion that the subjects and treatment of subjects overwhelmingly made his films mediocre compared to Citizen Kane, or even an Astaire-Rogers musical. Emotionally, an action movie or Western like The Big Country was ultimately more satisfying. I was more blown away by the original Planet of the Apes, not knowing in the beginning where it was going, and when the first ape on horseback appeared, I was interested to see how it played out. Of course, the film kind of went downhill from that point for me but that one moment was good enough.

I doubt anyone will change his or her mind about these matters. Enjoyment remains in the mind of the audience member and, as with comestibles, the French expression holds true, each to one's own, but I do hope my observations will inspire or perhaps hoodwink others to reflect a little more while consuming.

KLK

12/16/2018

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5959vg

THE AMERICAN ASPIRATION

 

America is aspirational. It has always been more about ideals than origins. That is in part why reviewing our history has been necessary and controversial, because so much of what was considered traditional history focused on ideals and excluded obvious contradictions. Originally, and for some time thereafter, the truths held to be self-evident in the founding documents were not evinced in most people’s daily lives. Equality, liberty, and justice have only gradually, and often grudgingly, been ceded by the powerful. This was a process, a struggle, to achieve those ideals. It continues to this day.

In retrospect, those struggles were aspirational, and they remain inspirational. Ideals are more important than origins. What we make of ourselves is more important than where we came from. That is as true today as it was before the nation was even conceived by persons who came for many reasons, not all honorable, often ignoble. Whether seeking fortune or fleeing oppression, the variegated characters, who brought forth the beginnings of what we now have, all aspired to something better, here, sea to shining sea, and parts between.

Everywhere in our land is America. Everyone here is part of the aspiration to make this nation. In the effort to find common ground, America is still a work in progress. New arrivals and citizens with a long pedigree alike aspire to the idea of being American. As others fought to give us liberty, we must struggle every day to preserve it. This struggle takes place first inside each of us. It starts with recognizing the common dream: We may differ in some ways, but there is at the core a shared vision based on the ideals which are the heart and soul of our hopes and dreams, for ourselves and for our nation as a whole.

Much is made of the American Dream. Unfortunately, the dream has come to be more about a lifestyle and material trappings than about the conditions that provide for even those paltry things, let alone the things that really matter. What good are things without enjoyment?  More is made of the things themselves than the environment, both natural and social, that allows for us to enjoy them. Owning a house, rather than having a home, is the stated goal. A house is not a home without the family and feeling to fulfill it. Property is not only seen as more important than happiness but also seems often to replace it in people’s lives. But things never could replace the love of those who truly love us and show it in unaccounted ways beyond price. In our ad-driven lives, gifts have replaced giving. We speak of experience-based buying or, simply, buying experiences, instead of having and sharing moments in our lives with those we love and who love us. Spending money on something is the emphasis rather than spending time with others.

We fail to ask the obvious questions. How can anyone enjoy anything when others are suffering right next door? It’s both practical and emotional. For when the gap between the wealthy few and impoverished many grows too great, the wealthy lose the richness of daily life in a stable community. The freedom to move safely, to go shopping or to school, to participate in ordinary life, is lost. When happiness is perceived as material, not emotional, where is the satisfaction that comes from helping, from serving others? We become more consumers and less citizens. No longer neighbors, we isolate ourselves with these attitudes and the way we think and speak. We say there are winners and losers, but we all have lost community. Even our most intimate relationships become strictly business. Everything is seen as competition. When we believe it, we are not neighbors and friends, but sadly customers and vendors, suppliers and clients, or worse adversaries for scarce goods and service. Here, surrounded by abundance and waste, there are those who seek only to get more for themselves. Ironically, they often are the ones with the most already. Even a marriage is seen cynically as a contract.

Too many would-be role models in the public eye embody these cynical values, regardless of anything they may say. They claim to have values and religion. They act and express themselves to the contrary most of the time. We have leaders invoking biblical text to justify oppression and torture. Some fail to see the hypocrisy in these leaders, political and religious, and cultural, celebrities and others in the spotlight. This is true across the spectrum of political affiliation. We all know the abuses of the powerful, the lip service to ideals in direct contradiction to their personal actions. It’s time for us all to wake up. For the great majority of us this a non-issue in our own lives. For us, it doesn’t have to be that way. We genuinely care even for relative strangers every day and especially in times of need. We have kept true to our dreams and aspirations. We follow the aspiration to be ideal Americans, doing unto others as we would have them do unto us, and to the least as we do to the ones we most revere.

It must be repeated, because many are still asleep, and need to be awakened: Those ideals are not reflected in our political leaders’ speech or actions.

Slogans and worse, name calling, have replaced policies and reasoned arguments in our political discourse. In effect both the powerful and the powerless are reduced to rock throwing in a divided glass house. Reality TV has become our reality and the audience is also a cast member. We find ourselves at the mercy of executive pronouncements and tweets. Unfiltered moods and outright falsehoods flood the news cycle causing chaos. People in power abuse their positions both in the bully pulpit and for personal gain. It starts at the top. Although many of us seek to be better in our aspirations as Americans, it is not true of everyone. To be better in our roles as family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, better citizens, and better leaders should be universal. The traitors are those who resort to divisive language and action, who accuse others of being unpatriotic or unAmerican.

It has always been so, here and in other places, that such divisive demagoguery is mostly to distract from the stealing, the corruption, of the demagogues themselves. We should never confuse loyal opposition with treason. We should recognize the exercise of democratic rights and respect them when that exercise is lawful and respectful. But when it incites violence and hatred, we should oppose and arrest it.  Anyone can make that distinction. Hate groups inciting violence and advocating hate speech are obviously different from peaceful protesters, inciting us to recognize the failures in our ideals and aspirations. Protests have always aimed to bring us back to the promise of the founding words and remind us of what American exceptionalism really means: An aspiration to a set of ideals. We also need to recognize self-serving betrayal at the top for what it is. When our leaders join in the distortions and lies, they make the problem worse. We need to see that for what it is. We can easily see their reasons, when personal profit is going on at the same time. As a matter of principle, we must aspire to the ideals and not the symbols. We must look at the actions of our leaders, and not give credence to their words when their actions say otherwise. When protesters are criticized for not respecting a symbol, while the leaders themselves have no respect for the constitutional ideals for which it stands, our nation stands in peril. Symbols have become more important than what they stand for. That is something none of us should ever stand for.

A significant number believe we needed a shakeup from the top to expose the illusions of our faulty democratic vision. The electoral system is broken. That may be something we can all agree on. Let’s do a quick checklist. Some would rightly say the institutions and officials fail to serve people’s needs. Check. Others would point to the fact the system allows mediocre and unqualified candidates to win. Check. Some people like what is happening, and believe it is the right direction, right now. Well, you can fool some of the people all of the time. Check. We have always had lying politicians. Check. But we have never had outright lying and factual inaccuracy to this degree ever before. Some actually disagree with that. Some of the people believe nothing new is going on. Check. How can that be? We have been lying to ourselves about the character of our society. Check. We have fudged on sticking to the ideals and principles laid out in the original promise. Check. We the people in order to perform an expedient governance have lied to ourselves about our values. Check. Isn’t it now the time to quit lying? Quit lying to ourselves. Check. Quit accepting lies from government officials. Check. Confront reality face to face, shoulder to shoulder. Check. We are still one nation. Check.

Being American is not a contract we enter into and opt out of at will. As citizens we have a duty to each other and to the seminal ideals on which the nation was formed. Our leaders and others take the oath of office to preserve, protect, and defend, but sadly now they seem have abandoned the oath. They claim to be defending in the very act of undermining and offending against the letter of the law, let alone the ideals they should aspire to. They are not alone. Some citizens who claim to love this country either do not know or have forgotten the fundamental principles of the nation they claim to love. They claim they have respect for the law while flouting it and supporting flagrant transgressions against others in their communities and generally by corrupt leaders at all levels of government.

What can honest people do to counter this hypocrisy?

We must prevent our passions from getting the best of us and seek the better angels of our nature for guidance. Remember the deeds and words of those who came before and advanced the cause of freedom and justice for all. Harken again to the ever-present memory from every struggle and every past act of patriotic adherence to the truths held self-evident. As a great leader stated on the day he took office,we are not enemies, but friends. If we keep that in mind as we wrangle this animal of Americanism and the effort to make this a better place for all, every living heart across this land will once again beat to the music of differences within the same American chorus, and from the many we will become one. Where we begin should never determine who we can become. In these most conflicted times it is time to revive the American Aspiration, which is the desire to fulfill the promises of the stated principles and strive for the ideals on which this nation was founded, explicitly, to form a more perfect union.

Keshav L. Kamath

July 4, 2018